Caught in a Pickle

What I’m about to talk about isn’t for everyone.. so be warned now.. and if your curiosity gets the best of you... IT’S NOT MY FAULT!

This weekend I was over at a friend’s place for a surprise dinner... the surprise was I just showed up looking for dinner when I found out another friend was there already about to scarf MY dinner. So the food is cooking and we are having good conversation.. nothing too heavy, nothing to light.. just right.. when I was asked if I’ve seen the ‘ 1 guy and a cup’. Now we have all heard of the movie ‘2 girls and a cup’.. so one would assume that this is along the same lines... FAR FROM IT !

We saddle up to the laptop to view what we thought was going to be a similar show as the girls... but as soon as the movie starts, its quite apparent that this movie is quite different. I won’t get into too much detail, as it still makes me cold and dizzy when I think about it... but let’s just say you won’t eat pickles from a jar again.. or anything from a jar for that matter. Yes you have guessed it... this jar makes it in a place that just doesn’t seem to possible to most... then the unthinkable happens.. and that is where I’m going to leave it !

But what I don’t understand is when someone looks in their fridge and opens a pickle jar eats the last pickle then sits back to admire the workmanship of the jar. The shiny exterior that is seamless and translucent and full of girth. Then decides it’s a possible candidate for putting in a place where the sun don’t shine! Was it the smell of vinegar that attracts you? The tin cap dressed in yellow? How about the label.. was it that? Why would you put something that can’t easily slide into a dishwasher, into YOU? Don’t you want to start with perhaps a candle, carrot or even an orange if you want girth? The worst that will happen with an orange is .. JUICE ... or a citrus fart! A glass jar is danger... DANGER at the best of times... we have all at some point dropped a glass jar...right? ANYHOO...

For the rest of the night, let’s just say my hole was squeezed so tight that my burps smelt like shit! The numbness that was left in my body continued with me until I got home later that evening. I don’t think I fully relaxed until the next day when I bravely opened my fridge, grasped my pickle jar and ran to the trash with it .. holding it with 2 hands so it wouldn’t slip and break ! The moral of the story is this... if you are caught in a pickle call 911 and stop the video recorder... oh yeah and don’t allow any friend to show you anything to do with a person and a cup, bowl, tinfoil, plastic wrap or even a jar ... don’t do it !

ps. If you google this, its at your own risk