Tuesday, January 3, 2012

2011 year of Dating

Okay, so when I woke up and said to myself.. .self, you need to get back out there and join the dating world. Granted its been a long time since I've been on a date, or seeing someone. Not sure why, but I don't think I'm wired to be in a relationship. Now don't get me wrong I love the feeling or shall I say the idea of being in a relationship, but when you get in one, drama is about the only thing that show's its ugly face. Anyway... enough of my few past relationships... I guess after 6 yrs I decided it was a good time to get my forties ass out on the hunt !

I'm going to briefly describe my dates

1. Papa Lunger
2. Shirtless liar
3. Svitka
4. Skel-a-tor (i)
5. Kiwi Copy Rights
6. Moody Daze
7. Incredible

Now those are just the highlighters for my others blogs, but lets start at .........number 1. Papa Lunger was a coffee date gone wrong... very wrong! Met in coffee shop; text telling me he was wearing brown shorts and white shirt be there in 5 mins. I was already pearched in the front with my eyes looking for the prize. Nervous as this was the first date in years, I had my eyes glued looking for brown shorts and white shirt. Well JESUS ... there was this hot guy walking up the street with brown shorts and white shirt... then all of a sudden I'm trying to recall this guys picture in my memory bank.. and can't. Could this be him... shit I hope so, but then.... I hope not.... all at the same time. Well it wasn't long of a feeling..... that mr wonderful kept walking by. I put my head down and thought... Redmond get a hold of yourself.

Just as I was lifting my head... there was this guy across the street in brown shorts, blue running shoes and a white button down shirt with cuffs undone... gulp. I kept looking at this guy thinking, he can't be the guy.. for a couple of different reasons... he's wearing a white button down shirt with his brown shorts ( no fag in his right mind would EVER), and he was OLD ! As I was watching him he let 2 walk's pass before he attempted to cross the street..he didn't want to cross until the sign gave him the go ahead and that was the little white guy lit up. But just as he stepped closer to the coffee shop... he glanced up, and obviously noticed me and gave a slight wave..... you know what lump you get in the back of your throat sometimes... well mine was the size of Canada.. the very dry Canada!

He comes into the coffee shops stops in front of me and this is when I noticed he had jowels. The only reason I took notice was they sorta flapped back and forth when he abruptly stopped to greet me. I'm not even kidding... a 41 yr old with Jowels... and let's not forget the white button down shirt with brown shorts and blue shoes. Now before you get all in an uproar.. he's a perfectly fine guy... but this is my story......
so... the lump is still there and I say go get yourself a coffee and let's go for a walk. It was a very nice day out, honestly ... I just wanted to enjoy it. (not that I was embarrassed)! Anyway.. he got his coffee, I had mine and we set off for a walk and talk.

The talk went well, he was a nice guy, had some interesting stories. I can't fault him for being who he was... its just too bad he lied, about who he was. I guess this was my first dose of the 'dating' scene. I needed to figure out how to weed out the liars. A lot easier said then done. Anyway.. we walked, we talked.. I made him laugh, he made me laugh... the coffee's were gone. What now.. it was only 30 minutes into the date.. .he suggested we go grab a beer. Now this being my first date, and not sure the proper way to end anything I said.. 'SURE' ! So we walk down the street and I suggest my fav little spot on Columbia (which will come up in another date, just you wait). We grabbed a beer and sat on the patio.

He kept looking around as if someone was going to stab him and steal those blue sneakers. I asked him what he was looking for... and his response was "I've never been to a place that is" ! Well here I am thinking this is a good thing... you know... I've taken to a place he only read about in books.... but nooooo ! He was terrified ! He couldn't be the how different the people were around him. He said that.... "every walk of life is around him"..... ( uuummm get out much)?!

Anyway... I quickly finished my beer and he followed. He wanted out of there and fast. He now knows who I feel but when we first met in the coffee shop! Sooooo.. we walked down the street and got to the corner of our meeting place.. the coffee shop! I said the usual pleasantries... it was nice to meet you, it was a lovely evening for a walk.. blah blah blah.... then I noticed it. Well I can now notice it, but at that point wasn't sure what that look was all about.... Well as I go to extend my hand to shake his ( I know, most fags hug... and I'm a hugger, but not on Columbia Street in New West at night, with a long walk ahead of me)... he lunged at me and planted a very hard granny kiss on my lip. He hit me so hard it hurt and cracked the skin a bit. My nature response was this.. .'GREAT, NOW I'M GOING TO GET BEAT UP"... He then got flustered.. as did I and we parted. As we parted I was not a happy gayper this had happened... I kept saying ... oh YUCK, UCKS ARGH ! Not at all under my breath for a couple of reasons.... 1. I wanted him to hear me and ... 2. I wanted every fag hating new west guy on Columbia to know I was just assaulted by a gay guy so they wouldn't think I was a willing participant and come after me !!! What? Its something we fags have to think about ... I like to call it urban survival !

Anyway.. I nicknamed him PAPA LUNGER as he was not 42, and he lunged after the young ones .. ME! If this was any indication of what was to come.. I should have just stopped then.. but I didn't ... oh know you wait... there are plenty more stories way better then this one... but until my next blog.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Ferris of Fears

I was thinking today while out and about for Canada Day about some of my fears. Not sure why I was thinking about this, other then climbing mountains with steep sides that if you made one wrong move... down you went! Btw I HATE HEIGHTS! So that got me to thinking .. when and how did this fear come to be. I mean I use to stand in front of my full length mirror as a child ( yes even as a child I had mirrors)... and step on the brown 2 step stool and think.. I WANT TO BE THIS TALL ! If you knew my family, you will know why I was wanting to be tall.... they are short people and I didn't want to be short.... plus I talked my brother into him believing he was a dwarf. Oh yes I did... my mother had to take him to the doctors so that he could tell him he's not a dwarf, he's just SHORT ! Anyway....I stood on that thing for hours on end... I guess willing myself to be tall. I think it worked cuz I'm pretty much the tallest out of my entire family and I'm not even tall!

So, how did it happen that from this... I am afraid of heights. I remember the highland games use to come to our town every summer and along with that, came the fair rides. The biggest ride we had was the Ferris wheel... they had it so it stood by the public pool.. it was white with red trim... oh yes I still remember! I use to watch people get on those buckets and have a twirl on that big wheel and was in awe of it all... UNTIL .. it was my turn to get on that ride. I guess I missed the idea of rocking the bucket from all my hours of watching others.... I put my ass down.. they slapped the bar across the seat and a way I went. Moving backwards and upwards..as you got to the top I swear I wet my pants! I was so scared .. never letting go of the bar and screaming for everyone not to move. Yeah like that was going to happen... it didn't matter if anyone moved when the bucket came down it automatically slipped back and your feet went up... I thought I was going to slip out the back and land on the gravel ground... what a way to die I thought.. in front of all these people eating candy apples and hot dogs!

I never went back on this ride for fear of dying.. slipping out at the top and tumbling my little fat ass to the bottom. Now don't get me wrong.. I use to watch my friends and family go on it and be amazed they weren't crying! I would watch for that damn bucket to move and then think... this is it.. I'm going to witness someone's death... or perhaps them screaming. Nooooo that wasn't the case... the only reaction I got from them was laughs and giggle's... How could anyone on that wheel of death giggle.... they were all hero's in my eyes! I'm sure it was a normal height for this ride... but to me.. coming from a small town... when you can see the entire length of the swimming pool and the little bodies in it swimming.. well I might as well have been on the empire state building.. I could even see my house from the top! I was raised by short people, who were really close to the ground, so for me to be at this height... well gesh! I didn't even like looking out my bedroom window after that point... as it was on the 2nd floor.

As I got older I knew how to avoid heights... NEVER LEAVE THE GROUND! It wasn't like the town I grew up in had any high rise buildings, or rather large platforms to get up on anyway. I use to go to the park and play on the 'child's seats' as we called them... a set of swings that you strap into, put the cross bar down and it goes in a circle. I use to pretend this was the Ferris wheel... face your fear Wayne... get your friends to really push you around fast so you would bolt to the sky. As I screamed for them to push faster.. it never much scared me... but only made my dewy tingle... not sure why but after a certain height on this.. I would scream to stop as my dewy was really tingling and I had to make it stop. I still sometimes get that same feeling when I ride the pirate ship! You know the one where you swing back and forth... and my fear on that is... the damn tire at the bottom that gets you going will blow and I will be lifted right up and over and fall out.... yes still to this day... you will never catch me on that damn ride! Sooooo.. back to me and my attempt to over come my fear of heights at the park..... it didn't work! The fear was still there when I reached a certain height and my signal was .. my dink would tingle. I use to get my friends to keep trying all the time... but looking back on it now.. not sure if it was for getting over fear... or perhaps I just liked that tingle feeling!

So today having climbing those mountains, it really brought back my fear of heights. I got goose bumps when I looked down... I would have to pause and collect myself before moving on. Its horrible... at my age I should have this fear anymore.....I don't worry about it in my day to day life.... I go in planes all the time, and I'm the first who wants a window seat to look out. Why no fear there... now that's high! I guess my mind can't understand that kind of height... or perhaps my dewy doesn't tingle to let me know.... its time to get off ! I figure if this fear doesn't stop me from doing the things I love, then its all good. I still will look over and edge... I still will climb a mountain... I still will get on the top of a ladder... I still will enjoy the view .... hhhhmmmm maybe I'm just waiting for that tingle .... but at my age... that tingle doesn't happen as much as it use too!

There's really no meaning to this blog at all... well other then tomorrow I'm heading to the park to see if I can get that tingly feeling back...gesh I miss that tingle, now its only dizziness and goose bumps... I hate getting older.... oh did I mention my other fear of getting older....... the above meaning will explain why that is .....