Okay, so when I woke up and said to myself.. .self, you need to get back out there and join the dating world. Granted its been a long time since I've been on a date, or seeing someone. Not sure why, but I don't think I'm wired to be in a relationship. Now don't get me wrong I love the feeling or shall I say the idea of being in a relationship, but when you get in one, drama is about the only thing that show's its ugly face. Anyway... enough of my few past relationships... I guess after 6 yrs I decided it was a good time to get my forties ass out on the hunt !
I'm going to briefly describe my dates
1. Papa Lunger
2. Shirtless liar
3. Svitka
4. Skel-a-tor (i)
5. Kiwi Copy Rights
6. Moody Daze
7. Incredible
Now those are just the highlighters for my others blogs, but lets start at .........number 1. Papa Lunger was a coffee date gone wrong... very wrong! Met in coffee shop; text telling me he was wearing brown shorts and white shirt be there in 5 mins. I was already pearched in the front with my eyes looking for the prize. Nervous as this was the first date in years, I had my eyes glued looking for brown shorts and white shirt. Well JESUS ... there was this hot guy walking up the street with brown shorts and white shirt... then all of a sudden I'm trying to recall this guys picture in my memory bank.. and can't. Could this be him... shit I hope so, but then.... I hope not.... all at the same time. Well it wasn't long of a feeling..... that mr wonderful kept walking by. I put my head down and thought... Redmond get a hold of yourself.
Just as I was lifting my head... there was this guy across the street in brown shorts, blue running shoes and a white button down shirt with cuffs undone... gulp. I kept looking at this guy thinking, he can't be the guy.. for a couple of different reasons... he's wearing a white button down shirt with his brown shorts ( no fag in his right mind would EVER), and he was OLD ! As I was watching him he let 2 walk's pass before he attempted to cross the street..he didn't want to cross until the sign gave him the go ahead and that was the little white guy lit up. But just as he stepped closer to the coffee shop... he glanced up, and obviously noticed me and gave a slight wave..... you know what lump you get in the back of your throat sometimes... well mine was the size of Canada.. the very dry Canada!
He comes into the coffee shops stops in front of me and this is when I noticed he had jowels. The only reason I took notice was they sorta flapped back and forth when he abruptly stopped to greet me. I'm not even kidding... a 41 yr old with Jowels... and let's not forget the white button down shirt with brown shorts and blue shoes. Now before you get all in an uproar.. he's a perfectly fine guy... but this is my story......
so... the lump is still there and I say go get yourself a coffee and let's go for a walk. It was a very nice day out, honestly ... I just wanted to enjoy it. (not that I was embarrassed)! Anyway.. he got his coffee, I had mine and we set off for a walk and talk.
The talk went well, he was a nice guy, had some interesting stories. I can't fault him for being who he was... its just too bad he lied, about who he was. I guess this was my first dose of the 'dating' scene. I needed to figure out how to weed out the liars. A lot easier said then done. Anyway.. we walked, we talked.. I made him laugh, he made me laugh... the coffee's were gone. What now.. it was only 30 minutes into the date.. .he suggested we go grab a beer. Now this being my first date, and not sure the proper way to end anything I said.. 'SURE' ! So we walk down the street and I suggest my fav little spot on Columbia (which will come up in another date, just you wait). We grabbed a beer and sat on the patio.
He kept looking around as if someone was going to stab him and steal those blue sneakers. I asked him what he was looking for... and his response was "I've never been to a place that is" ! Well here I am thinking this is a good thing... you know... I've taken to a place he only read about in books.... but nooooo ! He was terrified ! He couldn't be the how different the people were around him. He said that.... "every walk of life is around him"..... ( uuummm get out much)?!
Anyway... I quickly finished my beer and he followed. He wanted out of there and fast. He now knows who I feel but when we first met in the coffee shop! Sooooo.. we walked down the street and got to the corner of our meeting place.. the coffee shop! I said the usual pleasantries... it was nice to meet you, it was a lovely evening for a walk.. blah blah blah.... then I noticed it. Well I can now notice it, but at that point wasn't sure what that look was all about.... Well as I go to extend my hand to shake his ( I know, most fags hug... and I'm a hugger, but not on Columbia Street in New West at night, with a long walk ahead of me)... he lunged at me and planted a very hard granny kiss on my lip. He hit me so hard it hurt and cracked the skin a bit. My nature response was this.. .'GREAT, NOW I'M GOING TO GET BEAT UP"... He then got flustered.. as did I and we parted. As we parted I was not a happy gayper this had happened... I kept saying ... oh YUCK, UCKS ARGH ! Not at all under my breath for a couple of reasons.... 1. I wanted him to hear me and ... 2. I wanted every fag hating new west guy on Columbia to know I was just assaulted by a gay guy so they wouldn't think I was a willing participant and come after me !!! What? Its something we fags have to think about ... I like to call it urban survival !
Anyway.. I nicknamed him PAPA LUNGER as he was not 42, and he lunged after the young ones .. ME! If this was any indication of what was to come.. I should have just stopped then.. but I didn't ... oh know you wait... there are plenty more stories way better then this one... but until my next blog.
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