Ageless Wonder

It all started when I spotted my first gray hair on my chin a couple years ago, I knew it had started… the good bye to youth and hello to middle age. It didn’t even sneak up on me: I just woke up and there they were…. Not 1, 2 or even 3 hairs… there was a patch. How does a patch of gray appear throughout the night? Was it a dream that scared me? Perhaps I was fooling myself prior, thinking they were blonde… I’m not sure... but all I knew was this was the first day that I was becoming a man… not a man, man, but my Dad Man … OLD !

It quickly started to run downhill from there, it seemed like every morning I was inspecting myself to see what else was shifting, dropping or disappearing. I was changing faster then superman in a telephone booth. I would try sucking it in throughout the day to prevent others from noticing my mid section, thighs, and chin. Have you ever tried to suck in your chin? It can be done... just clench your jaw and lift your tongue to the roof of your mouth... its amazing how much lift you can get from this simple trick…. The only problem... once you speak it lets go and pretty much bounces back to its resting position with 2 slight ripples in the process.

My biggest fear in getting older is not being able to do the things that I use to do when I was younger…. Until I figured out… you can still do those things, they just take longer... like sometimes days or weeks longer, but it’s the changes in your body that really hurt. Your hips begin to spread apart… not really sure why they were doing this, until I figured out they must be making room for my longer then normal ball sack. Yes they do fall guys… its horrible. Sitting on them, crossing legs begins to be a challenge and even boxer shorts are not to be worn unless you don’t mind them sticking to your inner thigh.
Anyway... the hips adjust, the hair turns gray, your chin drops and your thighs rub your ball sack… what else do I have to look forward too? Not even going to mention bad back, sore ankles, eyes, nose and ear hair, saying good bye to those spontaneous boners, or even the topography that fixes itself on your forehead... the list goes on!

The point is, everyone goes through this, and you can’t stop it. Its not like I expected to look like I’m 30 in my 90’s… but you never think this is going to happen to you! But as the years go on, each of these issue’s get greater… so I can only imagine what this will all look like in 10, 20, Or even 30yrs… I guess I better start saving for a personal assistant… to hold menus for me, so I can read, to help me out of bed due to my bad back, assist me up and down stairs, colour my hair, or shave my face… and to carry my ball sack, so I don’t trip over it and cause more damage to my ailing aging body!