We all have a friend who .. Well thinks he knows it all, and says the funniest, yet strangest things .. ALL THE TIME! If any of my friends are thinking ... yes .. Wayne... you’re not funny! I have this friend who is fun to be around, just to hear some of the things he’s going to say, and then not say, or say... or not say! Well you get the idea! He’s the type that knows all about any topic, and don’t every argue with him, or you get the silent treatment. ( No it’s not anyone in my family either)!
Yesterday while Kayaking, these were some of the things he said that I thought I might as well share, seeing I have a blog and limited topics! He drove to my place, and then I took my car the rest of the way. While driving to the spot to dip the kayaks in, I asked him if he wanted to stop and grab a coffee and he of course said YES.. but then about a minute later said, Oh I haven’t got my wallet on me, I left it at home with 1500 cash in it! I looked at him and said, what? Cash, at home? He said ‘yes’! I said well I guess I’m buying the coffee, and I hope your place is burning down as we speak! Well he said this.. It doesn’t matter I just spent 600 dollars on cedar and built a pond on my balcony ( which is an enclosed patio btw), and the water would put out the fire! I thought to myself .. Sure if the fire is on the patio, by the pond!
So we have our coffee that I bought, and driving along and he tells me he’s been dating someone. So being somewhat interested I ask about details. To which I get the response, ‘they don’t know I smoke, but it’s alright I’m going to be a non smoker anyway’! So me thinking he quit, asked him if he quit, cuz I swear I saw a smoke hanging out of his mouth as we transferred the kayaks from his car to my car, but I played dumb. He said.. Well not yet, but if all goes well I will be! Nothing like holding on to having a relationship to quit smoking.. But if it works, he could make millions off this... get in a relationship and quit, the easy 3 step process... 1. Create your add on a single site... .2. Respond to all non smoking people... 3. Go out on a date and call it a relationship there you’re smoke free! Wish him luck though!
Anyway, we get to the water, and I get my lesson for the 100th time on how to kayak, and what the rules are. So I thought I would throw a curve ball at him, and ask where the life jackets were. (He never kayaks with them)! His response was ‘oh you don’t need them when you’re on inflatable kayaks, they will float’. Okay, after I stopped laughing and looked up at him, he had that look... oh yes this was going to be a very quiet trip, as I’ve pissed him off. So I just said... ‘You know what that makes sense’! Off we went in the water.
So we are paddling around, and he lights a smoke. Which is not unusual at all, he does this all the time when we got out. I laugh and look around to see if people are staring at a kayak that has smoke trailing from it, thinking its on fire! Good news, nobody around... phew! I guess quitting smoking doesn’t count if you’re off shore. Makes sense! Plus what’s it hurt when he flicks the butt into the water... it’s not like a fish is going to think that its food and eat it. I learned this from a previous conversation when I asked him not to flick his smoke into the water. He told me that fish are smart and would never mistake a butt for food! UUmmmm yeah your right... what was I thinking!
Anyway ... he also told me he was allergic to milk... this he just found out... and the next breath he said he was going to order Pizza tonight! Now I know what you’re thinking, did he really say this all at the same time... why yes he did... you have to keep on top of your toes when you talk to him... the conversation can flip at any time, and you better be ready for it. Sooooo I said, stupidly ... ‘oh, isn’t cheese made of milk’! Just trying to help him out if he was indeed allergic to milk; this was all new to him. Don’t worry though, cuz I guess cooked cheese doesn’t bother him..... Interesting to all those allergic to milk, just heat it up... IT’S A CURE! YAHOOO! The rest of kayaking I kept my mouth shut, and rolled my eyes ... A LOT!
So we are driving back to my place when he brings up politics (our fav subject), and he asks me if I’ve been following the summit in London. I wasn’t sure what I should say, as it was for 8hrs, cuz for all I knew he thought it was still going on. He brought up that it’s great that Obama made peace with France, and now its Canada’s turn to do the same! I KNOW... WHAT?! I couldn’t resist... I said in a blunt voice, ‘ We aren’t at odds with France’! But I guess we are after the whole Iraq war issue... I sometimes forget that it was Canada who started this war, and over there fighting to keep peace... stupid me! I didn’t have the heart, or energy to tell him that the US started that war, and that’s why France and they had a falling out! What does it hurt to have him think that Canada is at odds with France... after all we did bastardize their language... they should be pissed at us!
We can all relate to having people in our lives that are like this, and we all tolerate them for our own reasons. They provide entertaining conversation, and really make you think about your response, or just think about what they are saying. It’s great to stop and think before you reply.... it really cuts down on those chats that flow too easily. I learned a lot on this trip.. We are fighting with France, cheese if cooked doesn’t bother people who are allergic, and the best .. Fish don’t eat little orange butts that float on the water.... someone better tell those fishermen who use worms.... I mean fish aren’t stupid! Plus smoking off shore is totally kosher when you quit!
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